I’m currently still living the life of a nobody, 4 days from now, is the 19th year of being in America. great. I don’t know anymore..what the hell is this life about, I went jogging this morning, and I saw a lot of things I didn’t want to see, and I dealt with things this past weekend that have me feeling like, someone has to apologize to me, I don’t know what more people want from me, and it’s sad and pathetic, that people believe that i’m not an owed a thank you, mothafuck that, I deserve a thank you, the more I deal with humans the more I realize I’m a scum bag or they suck. UGH everything is so fucking bland, I don’t want to go to my boss’ stupid labor day, picnic, but I don’t think I want to complain that I do nothing. I don’t get it anymore, people…why do they suck so much. I don’t know why keep asking that question, I hate that I have revisited this bitter angry Nasra, she sucks, she literally hates everything, not easily impressed, and she constantly pissed off at people. I hate people. I’m done with them, I’m done with a lot of things.. as I stop doing them that will solidify me being done. I’m not though, I’ve applied to several jobs, but I don’t know if they’re hiring, this Feb, I’m planning a trip to see my father, and he hasn’t had the best health I just found his birthday, doesn’t make me any closer to him or nothing. The more I hear about peoples’ lives the more I realize, mine isn’t fucked up as I make it seem. I’m sure next month will likely be the same shit. I can’t do my project because I don’t have the supplies, I have exhausted all my resources for money borrowing, I think I’m half a stack in debt, right now, until friday. So my paycheck not really my paycheck. I’m literally taking care of four people, I’m super woman and I can’t do that anymore, regardless of how one may feel, I’m literally 24 years old/// trying to get a sense of money management, the fuck I’m so irresponsible for? I should’ve gotten myself together hella long ago. I think it begins this year though, I’m out with the old reckless ways. I have to do better… seeing that people only respect when you do have it together. The more I talk to guys, the more I realize what assholes they can be…there are a few nice ones, but the blunt weirdos, have no filter and they can use information you gave as a way to put you down, no wonder why I don’t open up to people. Manipulative fucktards do exist, if they’re super nice to me, I don’t want them..so I’ll continue to keep my distance.
like I said September 1st and I’m still a nobody, gosh. I hope I get better at this life thing by next year.